Friendship amongst moms, this may be one of my favorite subject matters to talk to you guys about. That bond that you have with other moms that is sometimes undefinable. You don’t actually have to define it because you’re living it together. This journey of motherhood that only other mothers can understand. When I started writing moms were who I was talking to, they are still who I mostly talk to and gladly. My feeling was at the beginning of this journey that there’s so much that we have to talk about in motherhood but often don’t. The more we talk I feel like the more we feel commonality. There are ups and downs in this motherhood of ours. Sometimes we find ourselves only giving the highlight reel of what’s going on in our lives.
In the spirit of truth and transparency I want to tell you that this week has hit me like pretty hard. I’ve had a lot going on both in my working life and personally and my full plate has been feeling like it is going to crash to the floor. I’ve done my best with the juggling of all to juggled on said plate and I think I’ve done OK but there are certainly things weighing on my mind. So when my friend Sarah invited me and a few other girls over for a casual Wednesday evening meal I wondered what kind of lighthearted company I would be. I was excited to see these lovely ladies and of course to have sole custody of my fork (I often lose custody of it to my youngest). Sarah used the term “come as you are” when she talked about everyone coming over. I think she meant come casually, wear whatever you like, etc. I took it as that but I also came as I really was mentally in this crazy week.
Let me say that for as long as I’ve known Sarah she has always come as she is. There is realness in Sarah that what you see is what you get. I have always loved her genuine nature, her curiosity and her biting humor. When she asks you a question about your life you feel her genuine interest in knowing the answer. She’s not looking for the highlight reel-she’s looking for the truth. I think all who know her feel this way about her. There’s this feeling of comfortability in her company and no matter how long has passed since I last hung out with her I always look forward to it.
Obviously this wasn’t an invitation I would’ve dare refused and I happily accepted it! Did I want to come hang out, definitely yes! To come as I was meant to not only talk about fun things and share a bunch of laughs but also share one particular thing that had been weighing on my mind. I felt like I was in good and safe company to talk about it. So I did.. I told the girls about what was taking place and how I was feeling about it. I talked about my concerns and my hopes openly.
Instead of keeping it to myself I shared what was going on and I’m glad that I did because I left feeling lighter about it. I felt reassured and I felt like the decisions that I had made were the right ones in regards to this particular thing. By coming as I really was and talking about it I was better for it. Were there many laughs to be had that evening-of course! Was this something that I dwelled on for too long, absolutely not! Our friends give great advice if we are open enough to ask for it! Who better to talk to you then your fellow women in the trenches?
In the spirit of Sarah’s idea to come as you are to her house I thought it would be an interesting idea to talk about what we should bring to a dinner party, and I’m not just talking about our good Tupperware!
WHAT TO BRING
Our desire to make time for ladies night
This is a pretty simple thing. Getting together starts with our desire to do so. Moms have busy lives! I cannot overstate this enough! Not only do we run everyone everywhere but while they’re gone we’re running everywhere for them. We’re working in professions to support our family. Stay at home moms are running here and there to make sure the kids have what they need for the next birthday party they are attending or the school project that they’re working on. We’re filling the refrigerators and making sure there are clean, dry towels in the bathroom. If my son ever reads this- a towel gets dry when you hang it up FYI.
This being said squeezing in one more thing to an already busy schedule might seem a little challenging but when it comes to hanging out with our friends it’s always worth figuring it out! There were babysitters involved in our get together, there were instructions given out, there were dinners made for everyone else before we sat down later to have ours. Was it worth doing all this to get together absolutely! We have to make the time for our friendships and ourselves!
I think meals with carbs are better in general. On a slightly humorous note carbs should be included in any adult get together. Whether you decide it’s going to be chips and guacamole, a great loaf of bread or a spectacular french fry you deserve those carbs mama!
A treat for all
We deserve a treat. End of sentence!!! At the meal we just had one of the girls brought the most amazing little Bundt cake that I had yet to try and it really felt like a wonderful treat to get to have it! Never underestimate the power of dessert! Dessert feels like a luxury these days! Another item on the treat list is to get to have a glass of wine uninterrupted and I consider this a treat! Whatever you want to treat yourself and your friends too I definitely think they should be included on your list of what to bring!
Something brand new
As comfortable as these get togethers should be this can also be a time to step out of your comfort zone in a small way. Maybe play a new game you’ve never played while you’re hanging out. Maybe it’s going to a brand new restaurant or trying something completely new like rock climbing as a group. Maybe it’s trying something new food wise. We know you’ve been pinning all of those different food ideas on Pinterest so now is your chance to try one with a live audience! This can be a fun time to add to your memories and try a new adventure of some kind together!
Something to share that you’re loving right now
If you’ve discovered a new favorite here’s a chance to let your friends discover it too. It could be a book that you just finished that you feel a friend would love. It could be a new face cream that you think everybody should try! It could be a Netflix series recommendation-which I personally am always up for! It could be the Holy Grail of recommendations-which is that you found the best ever babysitter and they need to know about it! Come equipped in someway to share something you’re loving so that they can try it out as well!
I know…your ear..but bear with me I’ll explain. As much as we’re coming to talk and probably have a lot of things to say one of the best things that we can do is come equipped to listen! If something is weighting on your mind chances are something might be weighing on a friend’s as well. Maybe they need someone to talk to you and be prepared to be the person who can listen to whatever is on their mind. We know that sometimes just being a sounding board for someone can be a great gift. Talking through something makes us all feel better, we sometimes unknowingly solve what is bothering us just by talking it through. If you can be that for your friends that is something great to bring to your next get together, your listening ear.
So to sum up all these ideas, here’s the main one. The main idea is to honor these friendships and to make sure you’re making time for them. Surround yourself with people that make you feel happy and comfortable. Plan the next one before the first one is even over when you get together. Have some fun, have some laughs, eat great food and talk about what’s on your mind whether it be the latest celebrity news or something a bit deeper.
If you find friends like Sarah who allow you to come as you are and to welcome you to do so with open arms well….those are your people! Sarah asked me while we were hanging out how I get my ideas for articles. I told her that sometimes they just come to me and I go with it. I turned to her during the meal and said I just got an idea. I played it off like it was a different idea but this particular one was roaming around in my brain. Sarah I’m sorry for that slight deception but I hope that you’ll like this idea too! Thank you for being you and for your inspiration about taking your words come as you are and sharing them with my readers! Highlight reels are great for a new acquaintance or someone you know from work that you’re not particularly close to you maybe. But when we genuinely feel friendship you should always come as we are.
I dedicate this to all of my people wherever you may be! I think true friendship in this day and age is always something to be honored. There are many of you who I have called friends for many years and some not quite as long that I am so grateful for! From my friends that I have regular coffee dates around the corner with to my friends across the globe who hold their coffee cup as I hold mine while we chat on the phone. I am grateful for both the heavy and light times that we’ve shared. I have laughed with some of you so much that tears have run down my face! We’ve been there to cry with one another when things have been heavy, a different kind of tears. There has been some support that we’ve given that’s been asked for and some that we’ve just given knowing it was needed. and boy have we had some adventures together! If you have friends that you feel like this about I challenge you to call two of them today and tell them so!
Thank you to my fellow dinner party guests for your part in your inspiration on this article. I told Sarah that I was going to be dedicating an article to her so I hope that she is smiling as she reads this! You deserve to have your name repeated over and over again in writing, filled with compliments about who you are. You claimed that you would be chuffed about it so let’s see if you are….you may not know your way around spreading humus decoratively (inside joke) but you certainly know the ins and outs of being a highly cool chick!
Until the next time we meet my friends either here or in person! See you for the next chat, who knows what it will about least of all me! Janet