I woke up this morning and had an epiphany. I started thinking about the day when I took my little one home from the hospital as a first-time mom. I made all these promises to myself about the kind of full-time mother I wanted to be. I dreamed about doing fun things to show him how important he was to me. I had goals to be a present parent. I wanted to be a school volunteer, a field trip mom and to be there every day smiling when he got off the school bus some day. I have been able to honor that dream pretty well for both of my children..until recently. I have now realized that I haven’t 100% been that person lately…not the one I set out to be.
The last six months I have seen things slipping. I have weighed the pros and cons of whether I can sign up to volunteer at school or whether I can do a fun project with the kids because time is tight with the commitment of this blog. As the holidays approached I wasn’t thinking about the magic I was excited to create but instead how I would keep my head above water. This added to the stress, exhaustion and general snappiness I had already been feeling.
Something had to change. Something is changing.
We all know what it is to live with regrets. We have regrets of things we never did and things that we have. One thing that I know is that I don’t want to look back on my life at this point in time and regret that I wasn’t present not only in my husband and children’s lives as much as I want to be but also in my own life. I don’t want my children to see me neglecting myself or my own needs either, they need to see that I make myself a priority too!
I definitely don’t want them to see me any less than excited about every opportunity to be with them. I would love my biggest stressor to be daily homework with each of them and getting them to their various after school activities-nothing more, nothing less. Many of us know that homework with multiple kids in elementary school has gotten overwhelmingly much harder than ever anticipated…but that is a conversation for another day!
I want to read the stack of books that’s been sitting on the night table for months, I want to use the exercise equipment that’s been gathering dust and get back to my walks on the beach that I was doing weekly before I started this column. I want to discover new places, have adventures and try new products…and then I want to tell you about it!
I want to help my children with any challenges that they have with their school work and be present in their busy schedules. I want to be the volunteer that I have always enjoyed being at the drop of a hat if I’m needed. I want to see more of my friends and enjoy moments of solitude too. What I mostly want is to not regret a thing. Life is just too short and our time with our young kids even shorter.
I’m saying all of this completely transparently to you, other moms who understand better that anyone could. I need to prioritize the things that give me the most joy and to get that joy back. I have garnered a lot of joy from being here with you every week, more than I could express and it’s something that I will never ever regret taking part in.
I have enjoyed all the conversations that I’ve had with you and all the women in business who have inspired me. To each lady that has opened up her life and shared her story this year with me I want to publicly say-YOU ROCK!! It has been a privilege to share your stories, your hearts, your families, and your inspiration. Some of you were already my friends and some of you I now call a friend. You each have a place in a my squad with sincere gratitude for the fates that brought us together.
I’ve been inspired by so many women in the last six months of doing this and I thank each and everyone of you who have inspired me. Yes, I’ve kinda said this twice now because I really, really mean it!! I have met some amazing people both in the blogging world and in the world of motherhood. I have grown closer to my existing friends because some of these articles have started some great conversations between us and I’m really glad for that. I am grateful for these relationships and friendships and I will continue to carry them on-I treasure them!
So for now I’m saying to you I’ll see you at the playground. I’ll see you on play dates and I’ll see you at school. I’ll see you for girls night and I’ll see you for a group get together when we’re out together as couples. I’m always open to talking to you and having conversations-that’s never going to change. But for now what I’m saying to you is I’m not going to see you here as often.
I am re-prioritizing my family and myself with no apologies. I know you wouldn’t make any apologies to me if you needed to do this and so I making none to you. As a mother we know what’s important. We know when one of our children need us more or both of our children need us or whatever the case may be. We know when we’re running out of energy and when we need to recharge. We know better than anyone knows because we are THE mom.
I want to wish each of you a very Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoy this season with your family. I hope you make those memories! I thank you again for joining me each week for the last few months. It was the perfect ending to 2018 to leave you on a high note!
I plan to enjoy the school holiday break with my kids. We will have movie days, extra snuggles and new adventures. I will send them back to school in January and carve out more time for our family, our home and for myself. Less is going to slip through the cracks and be pushed down the list. I am going to be IN THE MOMENT.
I plan to continue to write, collaborate and share awesome people, products, ideas and stories with you, I love it…but it will be on different terms. If I discover something share worthy you can bet that that’s just what I’m going to do!
This is my choice, mine alone. This may be my journey but I’m not walking it alone, not by a long shot! As busy moms sometimes we don’t catch up with our friends as often as we’d like to or intend to but when we do it’s as if no time has gone by at all. We pick right back up where we left off. I hope you and I will do that too, we will go right back to chatting over coffee.
I want to thank each and every person who has supported me this year-My wonderful husband, my sweet kids, my extended family and friends and the strangers who became friends. You mean the world to me!
Until next time we meet and we will most definitely hang out again! 2019 is going to be a year to remember and I’m Giving You The Details!! Janet