I’m Cheating On My Husband with Lennie Briscoe-The Crimes Moms Commit When No One Is Looking

Now that I have your attention let me explain. My husband is on a business trip, the kids are in bed and there’s no man here, I’m alone. I’m not technically alone, there are two unconscious kids and two sleepy cats in the house. However, in a way I feel like I am cheating… the remote control and I are alone together at the moment. The fact that I’m even holding it seems a little crazy town, the remote is usually an extension of my husband’s arm. Kind of like Inspector Gadget without as many options.

We usually do the nightly dance of tango-ing between Netflix, Hulu and On Demand because we can never find anything actually airing right then that we want to watch. We weigh the pros and cons of the options and decide. He knows I will nix the History Channel and I know he will nix HGTV. We settle on a mutually agreeable show and share a snack and some adult conversation. The amount of conversation depends on how tired we are but I enjoy it. Any parents out there relate? Sound familiar?

Well tonight I’m cheating on our weeknight ritual. Is it technically cheating if he’s working…it’s not like he’s in the other room. There was no tango this evening…no dancing of any kind. I have sole ownership of the remote and it went automatically to House Hunters. I love the show and can’t explain why…but I don’t have to. No need to plead my case tonight. I followed it with a classic Law & Order episode with my fella, detective Lenny Briscoe and his one-liners. Hubs is not a fan but I on the other hand have been a fan since high school. Again, no need to plead the case on this tonight. I’m going to solve a murder in 55 minutes or less. I’m pretty sure it’s the neighbor, seems like a murderer… I’ll get back to you.

Since I’m being completely honest I’m also eating a bowl of banana split flavored ice cream that’s supposed to be for the kids. (It’s freaking AWESOME by the way). But I kinda stole it. Not from the store, I paid for it there. I stole it from the kids. Maybe it tastes better for that reason..no..it’s just really, really good ice cream. Once you’ve cheated with the TV…what’s a little larceny from the freezer?

You know what? I see nothing wrong with pleading guilty to either of these crimes. I will welcome my husband back with open arms tomorrow. It seems too quiet in the house and after more than a decade together I still thoroughly enjoy his company. Look forward to his company in fact. I’ll enjoy every bite of the banana split deliciousness until the spoon hits the bowl, then I’ll save the rest of the carton for it’s rightful owners. I’ll climb into bed and hog the covers afterwards. It will be too quiet there too.

In the morning I’ll be back on the straight and narrow. No more crimes I swear! (At least no more crimes until after the kids are in bed) Tonight however…it’s just lawbreaker me…except for the company of a couple of cops and a couple of lawyers joining me courtesy of Netflix. Maybe at my trial the judge will let me off for previous good behavior..or for time served…

I encourage you to hit that comment button to share any cheating stories you might have of your own. Maybe you have a good theft story? What crimes do you commit on the rare moments when you’re flying solo? Have you been caught yet? You know I love a good story with details and I have no intention of prosecuting any fellow mommy offenders. Janet

Dedicated to my fellow thief and friend LW….where did all those M&M’s go? I’ll never tell!!!


  1. I also have had such occasion of stealing mangoes and other fruits kept for my children but they would not mind only I feel guilty


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