I wasn’t planned on writing today a blog today, certainly not before the sun came up. But that’s blogging, it happens spontaneously sometimes. Let’s talk back handed compliments. Let’s talk front handed ones. Let’s talk brutal honesty. A writer (I’m a new one so I’m learning this) is supposed to have a thick skin. Not everyone is going to like what you have to say. Some will not tell you this..some will.
So last night I reached out to a mom I’ve known for years, not well but for years. I said something to the effect of I have this new blog and I’d love for you to support me and follow it. Her response completely caught me off guard. She responded that while she thought I was a good mom with an adorable child (I have two btw) she was not my target audience. She then indicated that she follows serious publications like the New Yorker and doesn’t have time in her day for others. She then unfriended me. I appreciate the guts it takes to be that honest but it really hurt my feelings. I didn’t lose respect for her for the honestly, I may even respect her more because of it. But, I had been there for her to answer a thousand questions when her child was starting kindergarten. I had supported her cross country move. I did it because that’s what you’re supposed to do..if you can help you do…support others if you can…This is my personal philosophy.
Again I will say I appreciate the honesty of the words but not the implication that I’m using this blog as some kind of platform to talk about my children. To brag about my parties or gifts or whatever. That is a some hobby of a bored housewife who has not a lot to talk about of any depth.
I’ve spent time over the last 20 years being “silly girl-ed”. My first professional job that I worked my way up from the bottom over 11 years was in hydraulics. I’d be doing business with different companies as ultimately a corporate purchasing agent and these mostly fellas would assume I knew nothing about our products. I was mistaken for the person who gets the coffee in meetings. Many times I’d be sharing information and they would ask to speak to a man who would say the identical thing but that’s who they wanted to hear it from. It maybe felt more secure that way, instead of hearing it from a 25 year old “girl”. Some meetings I’d be the only woman in the room at all because at that time it was a male dominated industry. My decision then was to keep doing a job that I loved to the best of my ability and hopefully have my work speak for my competence and knowledge.
When I stopped working and became a full time mother I was met with another type of “silly girl”. I would be asked what I do and would answer that I stay at home with the baby or later both kids. I’d occasionally get the look of sympathy or they would shift to talking to someone else at a dinner party that had a “real job” and therefore something to contribute to the conversion. People would even tell me frankly they could never do it, men and women alike. I was just a mom..this still happens occasionally.
When repairmen come over some of them ask to talk to my husband even though he isn’t here. We had one here a couple of weeks ago when my husband actually was here. I began to discuss the repairs with him and he didn’t respond at all he just asked to talk to my husband. Because even though I found the problem, called about it, scheduled the appointment, I was incapable of discussing the resolution to it. Does this happen to any other women out there too?
This has even happened as a homeroom mom. One of my duties is to send emails, sometimes repeatedly when they don’t reply and I need a reply. A snarky parent a couple of years ago said “I work, I don’t all the time you do for this frivolous stuff.” Thank you. This was only about something for your child’s benefit and I have better uses of my time than to chase you down I assure you.
So now here we are. I’m 40 years old and once again I’m catching the drift that I’m being silly again. That I’m bored or looking for attention. What do I do? Do I let the thoughts in my head that everyone is thinking this and I should give up? I’m sure that more than one person does think this. Maybe I should just stick to grocery shopping and laundry? Or do I continue as I’ve always done in these situations because I like doing this “job”?
I like starting these conversations. I like the idea of sharing stories that might be relatable whether they are about motherhood or another topic. I like sharing ideas that others might also be in the process of Pinterest-ing for too. Many friends have told me over the years that throwing a theme party was too daunting a prospect for them because it would require too much planning and craftiness. I want to share that it doesn’t have to require a lot of either of those things. I’ve received many questions over the years about gifts I’ve put together and that they’ve loved and how did I do it? I want to show you how I did so if it’s something you want to do you can. Who knows what else I want to talk about? It’s only been a month.
So hobby or not, big audience or small. Silly be damned I’m going to keep at this. Whispered or direct naysaying..I preferred the directness. When I started blogging, I said that I’m always telling the kids to be brave and try something and I’m going walk it like I talk it. Maybe this isn’t a serious blog. This is not The New Yorker. I’m not discussing politics or the stock market. I am, however, seriously excited to try this. Trying something new is like jumping off a cliff-sometimes you just have to have faith you will land somewhere great. If you don’t and break a bone you’ll heal. If you do land in that amazing place you hope you’re friends will be there with you. That they will give you the confidence to stand on the edge and cheer for you when/if as a new friend recently put it “you stick the landing.”
Bring on the comments! Bring on any of them, I’d love to hear from you! I want to learn. I want to do this the best I can. I want to hear what you think I could improve on…if you like something I wouldn’t mind hearing that too! This may have come across as a rant to some but for others I hope what you garnered from it was that if you have a dream you should follow it. Be open. It’s a journey this life of ours. Take a chance. Do it now, don’t just keeping thinking about it. Maybe it won’t work out but my darlings what if it does? Janet